Beth M. Broom, LPC-S, CCTP-II
“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
Luke 6:43-45
What kind of a tree are you? As counselors, we often spend a lot of time and energy developing our skill and technique. And we should do this. But if you are a distinctly Christian counselor, skill isn’t enough. The way in which you guide your clients will be directly impacted by your inner life as a believer in Jesus.
I love these words by Diane Langberg: “Do we really think we can bring light and life to those we counsel, teach and lead, when that light and life are relegated to public appearances in our own lives rather than impregnating the very substance of who we are? The treasure we hold is certainly contained in earthen vessels, but the outworking of that treasure in our lives is to be such that the vessel is transformed from the inside out.” (Diane Langberg, In Our Lives First: Meditations for Counselors, pp. 47-48)
How do we pay attention to our character in a way that fosters continued growth into maturity? How do we assess our development without becoming pharisaical and legalistic? We could certainly try to measure our character by the amount of time and effort we spend in Bible study, prayer, and Christian fellowship, but we all know that a person can expend great energy in these activities without ever being connected to the vine of Christ (John 15:1-11). We need to notice not just our spiritual disciplines but also our devotion and our demeanor.
I like to assess three areas of character development that I believe specifically correlate with the work of counseling. Obviously there are many dimensions of character that are important, but for simplicity’s sake I hone in on three aspects: humility, compassion, and integrity.
Humility
Humility is not the awareness of our sinfulness, as some of us may have been taught. If that were the case, Jesus would not have been humble. Rather, humility is defined as a right understanding of who we are in light of who God is. We see God’s power and steadfast love, and we recognize that we are utterly different from him. We are unable to know everything, be everywhere, and maintain endless energy and strength. We are human – created beings who are limited. We are not God, and so we need him every hour.
When I’m evaluating the character quality of humility, I’m asking these questions:
- What is my heart posture when my counselees share their stories and insights with me? Do I sense a separation between myself and them, or do I see myself as equally needful of grace and love?
- What is my role and responsibility in the life of my counselees? What is God’s role and responsibility?
- What happens inside me when a counselee heals very slowly or struggles with the same sin over a long period of time?
Compassion
I don’t know any good counselors who lack compassion. It’s the meat and potatoes of what we do when we sit with people who are hurting. But we have to remember that compassion is not just feeling badly for someone when they struggle. There’s a heart of justice behind our mercy. We long to see a person redeemed and restored, and we want to help make that happen. Compassion is a God-ordained and God-focused concept. It doesn’t come from will power. It springs from a heart that is connected to Christ and fueled by his love (2 Corinthians 5:14).
When I’m evaluating the character quality of compassion, I ask these questions:
- What happens when I feel the vulnerability of not knowing what a counselee needs?
- What do I feel compelled to do when I don’t know what to say to a counselee?
- Do I feel moved with compassion for my counselee’s struggles? Are there certain struggles that don’t move me to compassion? What might be happening?
- How do I feel when injustice is done or expressed? What do I do with that feeling?
Integrity
Someone once defined integrity as the way we behave when no one is watching. Ultimately it’s a state of the heart in which we long to obey the Lord for the sake of his glory and the good of ourselves and others. Integrity is so important in the life of a counselor, and it is demonstrated in sometimes small ways that can have a big impact. For example, my counselees learn they can trust me not just by how I respond to their pain, but how (and when) I respond to their emails. They see that I am a person of my word when I say I’m going to do something, and then do it. When we function with integrity, we are mirroring the character of God.
When I’m evaluating the character quality of integrity, I ask these questions:
- Do I share my struggles with other people? In what ways?
- What is it like when I share wisdom with a counselee that I also need to heed? What do I do with that feeling?
- Do my words and actions line up? How do I respond when they don’t?
- How do I experience accountability and correction? What is my typical response?
Ultimately, the qualities of humility, compassion, and integrity will make us into good counselors. Of course our skill should be proficient, but we are not mechanical craftsmen. The counseling arena is more like an art studio than a workshop. I want to encourage you to take some time to meditate on the questions above and then talk with a colleague or pastor about your answers. We should regularly look inward and ask the Lord to search our hearts (Psalm 139:23-24) so that we continually display his goodness toward those we counsel.
I have created a self-assessment tool for evaluating the character qualities of humility, compassion, and integrity. This tool is available to all CTHN members through our website by clicking HERE. If you’re interested in becoming a CTHN member, click HERE.
