Beth M. Broom, LPC-S, CCTP-II
While our difficult experiences and past trauma don’t determine who we are, we are definitely shaped by the things we encounter in life. For example, if a child was told he will never amount to anything by a father he loves and respects, he will be prone to believe it. When he reaches adulthood, he may struggle to understand his value. For those of us who are Christians, our understanding of our identity in Christ can be skewed by painful experiences.
The most common identity statements I hear from counselees are:
- I don’t matter.
- I am unlovable.
- I am unworthy.
- I am dirty and/or broken.
As I’ve written in previous blog posts, it’s not very effective to give a counselee the homework of writing “I am lovable” on the mirror and repeating it day after day, although this might be a part of the work we do. We can say it a thousand times without believing it. I have created some content that allows counselees to explore the common belief statements we carry when we’ve experienced great struggle (see “Intrusive Thoughts” and “Planting New Beliefs” in CTHN’s Tools and Handouts section). Now let’s discuss how to explore and more deeply live into our identity in Christ.
I will often give counselees a list of statements about their identity in Christ and invite them to put a checkmark next to the ones that are hard for them to believe. I want to know what’s behind the struggle to believe what God says about them. We spend time talking about the experiences that have led them to believe they are not who God says they are, and we grieve those losses.
Here’s the thing about deeply rooted negative beliefs: we keep them around for a reason. I want to know how the counselee’s belief statements benefit them, as well as how they hinder their ability to thrive. Let’s go back to the man whose father said he would never amount to anything. If he chooses to continue believing this about himself, this belief can act as a safety net. It doesn’t make sense to take risks in life, because he already knows he will fail. Never taking a risk means there is no chance of failure or pain, but it also means he might never thrive. However if he chooses to lean into the belief that he is loved by God and victorious in Christ, he cannot stay where he is. He must seek to move forward, and this is risky.
Once we explore the reasons he might want to keep his negative belief and ways it is hindering his life, we then begin to look at God’s Word and explore what it has to say. We wrestle with the difficulty to believe God’s truth based on the painful things that happen in life, and we ask God to enlighten the eyes of our hearts to see more clearly.
Here is a prayer I pray for my counselees, straight from Paul’s prayer for the Ephesian church: “I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.” (Ephesians 1:16-21)
This prayer includes three elements of our identity in Christ. First, we are called to hope. Second, we are saints and heirs to God’s kingdom. And third, the power of the Holy Spirit lives inside us – the same power that raised Christ from the dead. Because his power defeated every earthly authority and dominion, we are victors. Because God says these things are true of us, we must continue to grow in believing them and living them out. We tune our ears to listen to God’s voice rather than the voice of the enemy, and we live in such a way that the world sees who we are and glorifies our God (Matthew 5:16).
I have created a worksheet called “Strengthening Your Identity In Christ,” and it is available to all CTHN members. Click HERE to view it.
